he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
there is puke in my bra ... again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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