hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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