Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
