Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
