Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
