I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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