i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
