Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
