My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize