I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
