just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
