HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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