I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize