Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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