She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
