And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize