Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
