I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
