everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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