the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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