She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
