you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
