yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
