I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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