A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
