Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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