Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
