We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
