You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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