If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
smell my finger.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
