the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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