You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
