I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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