my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
