I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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