and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
