Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
