You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
