Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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