i would punch a child for taco bell
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have surprise drugs for everyone
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize