SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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