remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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