Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
