Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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