He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
