Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
FUCK WHALES
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
