Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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