im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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