He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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