Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
