Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
