At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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