I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize