At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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