Pappa wants mamma naked
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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