I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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