just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize