If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
