I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
