It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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