what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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