I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
