i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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