I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
