im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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