Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
