her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
