I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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