Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
