Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize