I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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